Alive
by Headoverheels14
Summary: In which Lily discovers the true meaning of being alive and James finally gets the answer he had always been searching for.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: This one shot takes place right after Lily's parents are murdered by Voldemort. This was also partially inspired by the song _Fully Alive_ by Flyleaf. If you haven't heard it you should check it out. It is pretty amazing.

Lily Evans had never felt so…alive. She felt like the only person in existence as she sat atop the roof of the astronomy tower. There she dangled so precariously close to the edge. To falling into the depths of the dark spiraling towers below her. She was inches from death. There was nothing like death to make you feel alive. She did not feel sorrow for their loss. Not now. No, now she felt alive.

She gazed up at the inky night sky. There was no moon it was shadowed into disappearance just like her heart. It was not gone or hollow. It had just been covered in darkness like the now hiding moon. She smiled gently at the stars that were sprinkled silvery in the black blanket of sky. She had never seen stars like this at home in the city. She knew that they could now see the same gorgeous sky she was seeing.

This thought made her feel strong. She knew that they would always be with her in her heart and in the stars. Lily jumped to her feet. She threw her arms out and began to spin gazing at the sky. The stars blurred into circles, individual groupings of stars making the outlines. She did not fear falling. It would not matter she would just join them sooner rather than later. She would be even closer to them then she already was. There was nothing like death to make you feel alive.

Lily began to laugh as she spun in circles. She soon would be too dizzy to stand up straight, but she didn't mind.

Suddenly a voice shouted her name. She knew that voice. It was a male's voice. She stopped to be sure.

"Lily!" Came the shout of James Potter. "What are you doing?"

Lily let another smile grace her features as she replied, "Living."

James climbed out the window of the astronomy tower and onto the roof. He stood in front of Lily, panting and shaking as he had just run a marathon that determined whether or not he lived or died. "Are you crazy? You could have fallen!" His dark hair was even messier than usual and his glasses were askew on his face. She could see even in the dim light that his skin was pale and his cheeks were flushed with what must have been anger.

"I wasn't going to fall," she replied simply with slight amusement in her voice.

"Lily," James started his features and voice suddenly very serious. "Did you…did you…" he trailed off unable to finish.

"Did I want to fall?" she asked calmly meeting his serious hazel eyes with her own bemused emerald ones.

James swallowed and nodded not breaking their gaze. He seemed to be searching for the truth in that gaze. His eyes seemed to look right through her and into her soul. The purity of the search made her feel austere and even more alive. It was different though. It was not the feeling of cheating death; this was the true meaning of alive, being so close to what is, and the powerful feelings that could be stirred up from within the depths of the soul. It was compassion, strength and love in its truest, purest form.

"No," she whispered thickly, "Not anymore."

James continued to stare into the depths of her emerald eyes. He nodded, "Good," he also whispered. Lily briefly wondered why. No one would hear them. Before she could think another thought, however, she felt warm lips press firmly to hers. She had never felt something so powerful in her entire life. Not grief, hate, or happiness. This was a pure emotion that was so raw and so deep that she could not even describe it. Lily and James seemed to mold into one within that moment sharing the 

deepest of kisses and the warmest of embraces. James held her to him with one hand tangled in her radiant red hair and the other lightly holding her waist. Lily tangled her hands in the hair at the top if his neck and melted against his chest, eagerly returning the kiss.

Then James broke the embrace just as suddenly as he had started it. Lily felt all the beauty and wonder dissipate as James took a step back from her. A longing for his lips against hers burned inside of her. He was like the drug she had not realized she was addicted to. He had shattered all the pain and sorrow in her heart with a single kiss. She knew now that she could never let him go. That she belonged to him and him alone.

Together they stood, panting, once again locked in a staring contest. James eyes were filled with a longing and sorrow that Lily did not understand. "I'm sorry," he choked out.

"For what?" Lily asked cocking her head to side, confusion on her face and in her voice. Was he sorry that he had kissed her? Sorry because he had not felt the same wonderful things she did? Lily swallowed against the pain that was sure to come.

"I took advantage of you," he whispered painfully staring at his feet. "I shouldn't have kissed you at a moment like this. I just thought that I had lost you," he looked up again to lock eyes with her, "I couldn't stand the thought of it. The thought that you had almost slipped through the cracks and I had not been there to catch you almost killed me. I just want you to know…if you are ever feeling like this," he gestured around the top of the tower awkwardly, "That there is someone that would care. I'm here and if anything ever happened to you," he swallowed against the thought, "I would not only care, I would be broken and lost. You are the sun, stars and moon Lily Evans. You are what makes my world go around. Without you I am nothing."

"James," Lily started.

"No," he whispered. "It's okay. I shouldn't have crossed that boundary. I was just so relieved." He murmured looking straight into her eyes again. "Just please don't let this ruin our friendship. I need you," he begged.

"James," Lily said again a smile lighting her face again. "Be quiet."

Then as a surprised look crossed James features Lily closed the distance between them and brought her pink full lips up to press against his. This kiss was better than the first, much to the surprise of Lily. She did not think anything could top that first love filled kiss. That, however, was the mistake that Lily made. The first had been more out of desperation, whereas, this kiss was passionate and sure. It was fire-filled and gentle. It was breathtaking and a moment that would hold a special place in Lily's heart until the day she died. There was never a kiss that was better than that first true kiss. Every kiss with James was amazing, but they all lacked the virginity of those first feelings tingling down her spine and coursing through her veins.

They stayed like that locked in the most passionate and gentle of kisses for what felt like an eternity that could only last a few seconds longer. James quickly got over his surprise and eagerly took Lily in both of his arms. He wrapped both arms around her waist and drew her in closer. Lily accepted willingly and wrapped both arms around his neck pressing her chest to his. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip seeking entrance, but instead of meeting her tongue with his, James pulled away gasping for air. He did not push fully away like before, but kept both hands tentatively wrapped around her waist. He seemed unable to let go. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers while he calmed his breathing. They were matched breath for breath and Lily felt his heart beating wildly against the inside of his ribs as she pressed a hand against his chest.

After a few moments their breathing settled and James pulled his head back up and opened his piercing hazel eyes. Lily looked into them now the one doing the searching. Why was he stopping?

James watched her tilt her head with a questioning look in her eyes and gave a soft sigh.

"Lily," he whispered closing his eyes again, "please don't do anything that you are going to regret later. I don't think I could handle it."

"I'm not," Lily replied. "I wasn't going to jump and I'm not going to regret this," she took a hold of his chin and turned his face toward her. He did not struggle against her and opened his eyes to meet hers. They were filled with doubt and sorrow. He looked agonized.

"Please," he whispered.

"Is it so hard to believe that I might feel the same things for you that you feel for me?" Lily asked softly searching his face. "You are the first person that has made me feel like there might be a reason to keep going. You have me shown what it feels like to be living instead of dying. I don't think I will ever be the same again. I need you just as much as, if not more than, you need me," she finished firmly meeting his gaze as if testing him to find lies in her words.

"Lily," James begged running a hand through his hair in frustration, "Please. You have no idea how much this is going to kill me later."

"Don't you understand?" Lily asked angrily hating all the times she had rejected and been cruel to James. "I need you. I am yours. I am not going to change my mind later. I'm not going to wake up and wish it was just a bad dream. I want this. _Us_." She continued her voice softening.

James expression turned to pity. "Lily this isn't real," he stated gently brushing some of her long red hair over her shoulder then setting his hand gently against her cheek for a moment before dropping it back to her waist. "Do you really think you will feel the same about me in the morning? Or whenever you realize that I am not the only person who cares about you?"

"This _is_ real," Lily insisted brushing back a loose strand of her flaming red hair impatiently. "This is the most real and most alive I have felt in weeks. You did that. And this isn't a sudden discovery of feelings for you out of loneliness. I have realized for months how I really feel about you."

James locked her gaze again searching for the truth that would set him free. "I am starting to believe you," he whispered.

"Good," Lily replied pulling him down for another kiss. This one was short and simple. A token of affection filled with hope and caress.

As they pulled away James felt a smile spread across his lips and knew that no matter how much it may hurt later, it was worth it to believe, at least for a little while.

"I mean it," Lily whispered.

"I know," James whispered back and again they tightened their embrace and sunk into a deep passionate kiss.

After several minutes they broke apart and that is when James asked the question he had asked hundreds of times and in just as many ways, but for that night he kept it simple, "Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"

Lily gave the answer all thought would never pass through her lips, at least not in regards to James Potter, "Yes."

James grinned, his hazel eyes lighting up with their mischievous sparkle. He pulled her in tight to his chest and kissed the top of her fiery red hair. Neither knew what the effect of those last words would mean to the entire world, but it didn't matter because at that moment they were two of the happiest people in world about to take part in one of the world's greatest adventures, love.


End file.
